It’s been 15 months since I published On Writing – A Word From Lilith, a piece in which I describe my overall anxiety with having to “perform” and participate in this online identity, and how writing and keeping up with this site had become a burden of sorts, rather than a pleasure.
In many ways, that post holds just as true today as it did then. Maintaining this presence and populating a website so that you don’t become totally and utterly obsolete in a world where each digital second gives birth to thousands of influencers and mounds of meaningless content is totally and utterly exhausting. And that’s why I haven’t been doing it.
In the past year, I have published maybe 12 poems and posts to this site. I still write a ridiculous amount in my free time, but I just don’t care enough about maintaining something that is basically as substance-less as the nutrients in McDonald’s fries to put myself through the hassle of posting them here.
You see, I work a day job that already involves being constantly in the digital realm. As a digital marketing specialist, I write content all day, I think about the best ways to market things so we can drive higher conversion rates, I select keywords based on traffic and efficiency. And I cannot help but transpose that knowledge and work into Letters for My Lovers. So instead of feeling overjoyed when I want to post something, it feels like play has become work for me.
I log time into checking stats on this site and seeing what keywords I can place myself better on, and then using SEO and SEM to enhance those results so people can find this blog organically. But I am really sick of it.
What you don’t know about me is that I am first and foremost a lover and an artist, with a strong drive to uplift my loved ones and focus much of my time on self-care and betterment. I have done lots of therapy, I do yoga every day, I eat a balanced diet and get a decent amount of exercise. I thrive on being compassionate towards others and asserting clear boundaries even if they make other people uncomfortable.
I live for social justice, and I think it is up to each and every one of us to care about what is happening to other human beings close to home and around the world. Black Lives Matter, poverty is real, many countries are ravaged by famine and war, and I have personally spent time and money to contribute in however ways were possible to furthering equality and justice for all. I wish more people would do the same.
And I say all this not because I believe that my words will have any impact on you, but because I need, in this moment, for you to know who I really am. Who the person behind Lilith Ember is.
I am a driven young woman, who is sex positive, into kink and BDSM, and sexy poetry, and all that stuff. I am a lifestyler who discovered kink in her late 20s, including all the fucked up people who don’t respect boundaries and the men who think that because they are in positions of power or mentorship can manipulate and use younger women. I have also met incredible queer, kinky artists along the way. I have had intimate beautiful relationships with riggers, and have discovered so much about myself that it makes me feel like I am a blossoming flower whose petals catch the rays of the sun and bring joy to those around her.
I am a writer, both professionally and personally, and I am currently working on a memoir about my life and inter-generational trauma (yep, lots of that in my bones). My love for poetry knows no bounds and I feel an insatiable urge to try and put into words feelings that only the wildest imaginations can observe. I love love. I have two long-term partners who both bring me equal amounts of joy and strength, and willingness to help me heal and push my own personal boundaries.
Alongside all this, however, I am also a burnt out professional who, for the first time in her adult life, is choosing to take a leave of absence from work so she can focus on her wellbeing and making sure she’s ok.
I am going to dedicate part of this time to revamping this website and including more artistic content, as well as some paid content for those who would be interested in subscribing to my OnlyFans, or a Patreon. Creating content takes time, and even if it’s just contributing $10 a month to allowing me to continue creating what I love, it’s incredibly appreciated.
I am open to suggestions and collaborative ideas with other artists, sex-workers, Pro-Doms, poets, writers, you name it. If you love what I do and want to let me know, feel free to message me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hope everyone is well in these crazy times.