It’s been a hot minute since I’ve published anything here, and I am finally taking the leap to choose faith over fear and to integrate all sides of my life into one.
Letters for My Lovers, at its inception, was a way for me to share my writing and feel a little less alone in the world at a time when I was feeling a crushing sense of isolation and loss. I was alienated from myself in ways that I could barely understand, and sharing this secretive part of my life was a source of great healing and joy for me. It made me feel alive and part of a community of writers and poets who, like me, had something to share with the world.
From the very beginning, my pen name was fraught with contradictions I knew would eventually catch up to me. Although I shared vulnerable things with the world, doing it behind the guise of an erotic, empowered “sex-witch” persona meant that I could hide behind something familiar. Lilith was always my armour, the part of me that kept me safe from having to show my sensitive gooey core and acknowledge the depths of my own humanity.
I held onto this blog like a blankie, and through all my trials and tribulations, I couldn’t let it go because I knew someday I would want to publish the poems I’d written here under my real name.
In 2023, my life shifted in the most unexpected way. My long-time relationship had an implosion of sorts, and within a week of that, I learned through a random DNA test that the man who had raised me wasn’t my biological father. I won’t go into too many details, but needless to say, my life (which was already rife with trauma) got turned upside down overnight. Shortly thereafter, I checked myself into an addiction treatment centre and began my journey of recovery from active addiction and refocusing my energies on healing the complex trauma that has always inhabited me.
In the years since, I’ve grown into a version of myself that feels closer to home than anything I’ve experienced before. I’m living a life filled with authenticity, in accordance with my values and principles, and I work hard every day to appreciate the privilege of rebuilding myself as a human being and of living my passions.
I have written countless poems since I last published anything here, and am working on figuring out how to keep these multiple sides of myself out and available. There will most likely be changes to this site in the coming months. I have yet to figure out whether to retire Lilith completely and begin publishing under my real name, or keep my poetry linked to her, since she is an essence of me, but I am overjoyed to be in a position where I’m no longer afraid to integrate Lilith into who I am today and continue to share my poetry with the world.
More to come soon, but in the meantime, you can learn a bit more about me here.
Eager to meet you all again. <3
Xo – Tashi
